Part I: The Collapsed Scream
She stripped her persona of the ambiguity of possessions with a big giveaway. “You better go back to Holland to your parents,” Toby her husband had said. And of course, she wanted to follow up, and sold their house. The loss of her husband becomes a trigger point. Her psyche scatters, splashes to pieces propelled by fear of surviving with two young children. Who is she, Dutch or German? Her fears include relationships where she cannot say no. This inability comes to the forefront. If she had known who she was, she would have said no to the anti-German teacher, no to the Dutch who treated her mother badly. Without identity, she did not know where she began and where her being stopped – everything appeared blurred.